Drink Bar, Two!

When you arrive at a restaurant in Japan the first thing they want to know is how many people. You know this because they make a hand signal for three or for two (depending upon if they consider Carlos a person or not) and give you a questioning look.

The second thing they want to know is smoking or not smoking. They say a Japanese sentence to us and then stare at us while we wait to answer. We know what they are asking because we, as we do all day, ask ourselves "what would they want to know at this juncture?" David, on one lucky day, figured this out.

If you are at one of the seriously un-fancy restaurants that we frequent, the next step is what you want to drink... and there is something they call a "drink bar". This is where you get up and get your own drink. So you say, "Mizu (water), two" while holding up your two fingers. And they say "Hai(yes!)!" or nod. Then you say, "drink bar, two." And they point you in the direction of the drink bar and write down that you want drink bar... two.

And then you sit there and wait... and wait... and wait... and wonder why nobody is waiting on you. Do they not like Americans? Do they not like white people? Are you supposed to have taken your shoes off? And then you see this...


What is this, you ask? Well, it is a call button. And pushing it for the first time feels awful... like you are a part of that social psychology shock experiment where people were ordered to push buttons supposedly shocking other people. You hear the buzzer when you push the button and someone comes running and you feel like Leona Helmsley demanding more ice water for her poodle, or something. But, after a few times of pushing the button, it feels great. No more running people down to get service. No more flailing arms. Just a simple little button for service.

Then there is the ordering. Whatever you order, you start with the thing you are ordering and then say the number of that thing that you want... "Udon, one!" or "Pizza, Two!" If there is an English menu, you better hope that the waiter can figure out what on the English menu corresponds to the Japanese menu. If there is no English menu, then you bust out your rudimentary Japanese/English with a Japanese accent.

Chicken = Chikyu
Beef = Beefu
Pork = Pooku

If that doesn't work, you point at something on the menu, say "two!" while holding up your two fingers, and pray you aren't getting the octopus testicles in sesame sauce.

And then you get your food... need a napkin? TOO BAD. It is the rare event that you will get an actual dry napkin here. You will get a wet towel that is either hot or cold in a plastic wrapper, but you will not get an actual helpful napkin. Apparently, they are neater eaters than we are.

And finally, the check. The universal sign for check is not so universal. The first few days we tried to do the whole pretend signature thing that lets everyone else on the planet know you want the check and we got nowhere, so we quickly learned the word for check... "Okanjo!"

Anonymous Guest Blogger

Hi. Jenny has been kind enough to let me (finally) have my say about this whole "you're gonna love it, it's gonna be such a great experience" Japan thing. Well, she was right. Where else would I get to sound so smart (no one speaks English) and be so tall?

Plus, they really DO like Americans here. In Europe and Amsterdam, we were spit on and held hostage. But in Japan, we are like celebrities!

Speaking of celebrities, I will be dedicating my guest blog spot to the former NY Knick, Allan Houston, who I had the privilege of meeting this past Saturday.

The first photo below shows me after taking part in a basketball passing contest. The idea was to throw the ball through a circle about 20 feet away. It was so much fun and I made myself so proud: After watching 10 year-old Japanese kids each get at least 2 or 3 balls through the circle, I managed to miss all of them. I blame Carlos for distracting me.

The sweet thing is that Allan was nice enough to take a few pictures with Carlos and me. I'll stick with my day job.

-Anonymous

Drown Your Sorrows

The 22 different flavors of Kit-Kats and a seasonal Cucumber Pepsi turn out to be symptoms of a greater Japanese disease, New Product-Itis. That is a serious condition that involves the swelling of the lips and hands when one does not touch a newly introduced product for more than twenty four hours.

Miu Pure Water is a great example. Staring back out at me from the vending machine (vending machines are big here) a few days ago was a twisted plastic water bottle with the words "Miu Pure Water" written on it in English. "Miu Pure Water is a natural type of pure water which uses 100% Muroto deep seawater. Deep seawater is seawater that has settled at the bottom of the ocean having become cold and heavy, and which spends about 2000 years circulating the world"s oceans." Wow. for 120 Yen (1 dollar), I can have 2000 year old water in plain or lemon flavor. For 120 Yen, I can disturb some lovely ecosystem that was minding its own business simply because I am thirsty. I have to say, the water is delicious, but why must they offer this new product? And in a few weeks, it will be gone. Just like the white chocolate KitKats I ache for... where are you, white chocolate Kit Kats?

The Melon

The melon was mushy... apparently we need to try the next higher level of melon pricing... maybe go to a 40 dollar melon. That's my limit though.

Had our friends over for tacos and now I'm beat. Here are a few funny Carlos sayings.

1. He sings Wheels on the Bus and does a big finish that is... "wheels... on... the BUS!". Very Broadway.

2. His favorite saying is "Do you want to Sumo Wrestle?" or "Do you want to watch Sumo?"

3. "Are you OK, Chooch?" or "Are you OK, Carlos?" after he falls.

And he talks words and nonsense 24 hours a day. He is in his crib right now supposed to be sleeping saying "Perfect kiss!" "Bootiful Kiss!" "My name is Carlos!" and "Jacamo" (we don't know what that last one is. Oh wait... here comes a round of "Twinkle, twinkle wittle staw!" Jabber, jabber, jabber. Wonder where he got that from?

Big kisses.

j

Hot Fruit on Fruit Action

Two Japanese cultural traits arise when trying to explain how on earth a melon can cost $100 or more dollars. First, is the gift giving. According to a few articles I read on expensive melons (stop yourselves from dirty jokes, you twelve year old boys out there), the vast majority of the expensive fruit is bought as a gift. The five dollar melons you buy for yourself, but the expensive ones you save for a gift for someone else.

Second, is Japanese ingenuity. They take an existing technology (growing fruit) and make it one thousand times better. There are square watermelons and canteloupes that are better for stacking, there are melons whose plants are pruned to produce only a few melons at a time, thus focusing the plants energy on three or four quality melons. The soil is richer, the greenhouses more sophisticated... all putting more cost into the production of the melon and yielding a higher price. (Watermelon head photo from pingmag.jp)

The expensive fruits look perfect and, hopefully, have a perfect taste. The ideal canteloupe, pear, apple, etc.

We bought a 20 dollar canteloupe, a five dollar orange, two four dollar peaches and two teeny tomatoes to try. David went to go play poker with some friends, so I will report on how they taste tomorrow.

In the meantime, here are some crazy fruit photos. Fruit porn. (To do the math, take off the last two zeros and slash the price by 20%. So, 10000 yen is is $80 dollars)

Nagoya Sumo Championship

Sumo rocks. It is so much fun. We finally went to a live sumo match, as the Nagoya Basho(Nagoya Sumo tournament) has been going on for a few weeks and we got tickets for the final day. It was awesome. I'll let the photos speak for themselves, but we did see a few special things.

1. Two Yokozunas fight: I guess there have not been two Yokozunas (the highest ranking) at the same time in Japan for at least a few years. One was just promoted before this tournament and the two wrestled on the final day. Such a matchup of two Yokozunas has not happened for over four years. It was very dramatic with lots of false starts where the two sumos squat and put their knuckles to the ground and stare eachother down before getting up again and retreating to their corners to wipe sweat, stretch and throw some salt around (the salt purifies the ring, but seems more like a nervous habit).

2. The final day ceremony: There were a few ceremonies that only happn on the final day. The top three sumo from the East and from the West step up onto the ring and position themselves in the shape of a Japanese fan. They then perform shiko or traditional sumo foot stamping (to remove any evil from the ring). This serves to further purify the ring for the coming ultimate competition.

3. The presentation of the trophies: I would say there was a line of 40-50 Japanese men in suits (and a few honkeys)ready to present the winner of the tournament with his trophies. The trophies were MASSIVE. Some were big trophy cups, others stranger like a giant glass vessel filled with mushrooms or an enormous Coca Cola bottle. The winner stands there listening to each man read something, then hand him the piece of paper they read, bow to him and hand him the oversized giganta-trophy. This particular winner has won like 21 tournaments, so God only knows where he puts all of these. Probably, some of the trophys simply add a name plaque with the name of each winner and rotate. Let's hope so for his wife's sake (or life partner... sumo's can have life partners, too!)

The whole thing was amazing. Everyone but the back rows sat on small square pillows with their shoes off eating their pre-ordered bento boxes and fanning themselves with the fans that come in the goody bags you get with the fancy seats. When the wrestlers do their thing, and one falls out of the "ring" and off of the mud platform that the ring is on, they fall right into the laps of the people watching or the press.

The fighting was incredible to watch...bloodless and punchless, but still violent and aggressive. The fast fights are only fun to watch if someone turns themselves into an air ball by lunging for their opponent who steps aside while they dive towards the ground. The better matches where they lock arms for 30 seconds at a time or where they don't get into a lock, but slap eachother around for a few minutes are fun.

So, here are a bunch of photos. Look at them quickly and it is almost like a movie (which you would have, had my battery not gone dead).

Tomorrow: INSANELY EXPENSIVE PRODUCE...FIERCE!

The Goods

I am fully aware that pretty much nobody wants to see our vacation photos. You want to know (a) did anything weird/dangerous/funny happen or (b) what cool stuff we bought or (c) on rare occasion something appallingly cute that Carlos did... but this only in extreme circumstances.

I was expecting to buy all of this Japanese art and beautiful textiles, but they are so far out of our price range it is ridiculous. So, I have made my shopping-self happy by buying a lot of really cool crap. There are dollar stores that have EVERYTHING for 100 yen (which is really only 80 cents, so you can buy 20% more than you really should)

Exhibit A: Gallina

Gallina (spanish for hen) is a chicken puppet that makes a cockle-doodle-do sound when you move her little beak together. Gallina and Carlos are good friends and the four dollars we spent on her were well worth the money. She may look simple, but she is a complex and feeling hen with so much to give.








Exhibit B: Great Kids Clothes

The kids clothes here are amazing and ridiculously cheap. Look at these skull and crossbones shoes. How cute are those? We have clothes for Carlos til he is like 20 and won't even want to wear a shirt that says "Bored Person Get on Bus: Destination to Smile".















Exhibit C: Nacho Cheese Recipe/Makeup Case
Love this. Needs no explanation. Cost 80 cents. The recipe is on the other side.








Exhibit D: Cool Japanese Toys

Toys R Us is AMAZING. I could buy everything in there and not share a single thing with my child. David too. They have mounds of crazy Japanese robots and cutsie clothes and shoes and everything fun... all for super cheap.

These are for Mommy... not Carlos... for Mommy.









The voice changing microphone for 8 dollars. Watch til the end... very funny.


Exhibit E: Random flea market finds

I have no idea why this photo is flipped... but it is a cool Japanese wooden doll. Also, 80 cents.









So, fear not that the fact that we can't give our house away and have been income-challenged since Katrina is stopping us from doing decent shopping. Lots of Japanese tchotchkes and nonsense Engrish t-shirts will be making it back to the states with us.

Back to Nara

So, back to Nara. If I could have only one day in Japan, it would be in Nara. It is a small city the size of New Orleans with beautiful little temples scattered everywhere, lovely parks filled with the aggressive deer, and a 60+ foot tall Buddha in one of the most tremendous temples I have ever seen. The giant Buddha (left) is the largest in Japan. In the 8th Century, the emperor of Japan ordered the copper Buddha (which was then larger) to help with smallpox and a drought.





Apparently, the temple housing the buddha is one of the largest wood structures in the world. It is breathtaking with its high ceilings and airy architecture. The photo does not do it justice.







In front of the temple is an incense urn that seems to be at all of the temples. You light the incense and wave the smoke over you to ward off illness. We lit some and waved it on ourselves and on Carlitos. David, I have to say, was a bit of an incense hog. Just "me, me me" with the incense smoke. I, however, thought of my child first and waved it on him and then myself... just like the flight attendants tell you to do with the oxygen mask.


A side view of the giant Buddha. Sorry for the dark photos.











Monk's stairs up to a landing above the temple. They must have nice tight buns if they climb those stairs all day.










Buddha giant hand











Buddha flanking the large Buddha. There are two like this.










Another beautiful temple with Pagoda.









Our room at the Ryokan. Three futons in a tatami room. Carlos thought it was party time and wouldn't go to sleep. I literally had to threaten him with a time out (the logic only makes sense to a 20 month old) and stand over him while he went to sleep. Each time he picked his head up, I brought up the old "time out" word and he put it back down...eventually falling asleep again. He then got up at 4:30 in the morning and would not go back to sleep...






Hence an early morning walk to see some temples/vending machines.






Hoping for a freebie... it never came.








Three Silly Carlos Videos:

1. Carlos getting upset with the deer in Nara



2. Carlos in the mud


3. The ABC song

Beignets, The Cone of Probability and Paper-Eating Deer

Beignets-
OK. First things first... We found a Cafe du Monde in Kyoto. We were wandering around Kyoto Station waiting for Carlos to finish his little nap in his stroller before we got in a cab and what do we see? CAFE DU MONDE. Beignets, Cafe Au Laits, green metal awnings with New Orleans street signs. We almost DIED (not because of the typhoon we narrowly missed or the 6.7 on the Richter scale earthquake, or the nuclear waste leak). I mean, this is HEAVEN. We went there three times while we were in Kyoto. It was totally Japanified with no actual paper napkins (only wet wipes), some wierd looking egg sandwiches, and some sort of green tea slushy offering, but WHO CARES. We had beignets, we had our iced cafe au laits. I mean, really. It almost made me believe in someone up there (the birth of my son didn't make me find religion, but beignets did! Hallelujah!).










































The Cone of Probability-
Despite our move thousands of miles from New Orleans, Saturday night I found myself staring into a computer screen at the Cone of Probability wondering if and the giant typhoon headed up from Okinawa was going to strike the town of Nara, where we were vacationing. On a laptop next to the ryokan (Japanese bed and breakfast) owner, I stared down the cone feeling about 50% terrified. Before we went to bed, he told me it would hit at 2AM. Yuck.

Thankfully, we awoke to an overcast day and no typhoon in sight.


The Deer Ate My Shinkansen Ticket-
Nara, a small city 45 minutes outside of Kyoto is exquisite. It is everything we expected Kyoto to be. Kyoto is a much noisier and more urban city. Nara is much like New Orleans with beautiful little houses in a central area and temples great and small peppered all around it. Besides the giant Buddha and the gorgeous temples, Nara is famous for small deer that live in the parks. They are so sweet until you try to feed them with the crackers you can buy and then they nudge you with their antlers and their little noses. Poor Carlos did not find this amusing. One even went into my open purse sitting in the stroller and ate a map and my return ticket from Kyoto to Nagoya on the bullet train (the Shinkansen)... a fifty dollar ticket. Ooops.

They look cute, don't they? Don't let them fool you.

Carlos-Chan Super Sumo Star

Headed off for four days to Nara and Kyoto. Hope to not be typhooned into the hotel room, but we will have fun no matter what. Will be back on July 19th.

Here is the number one ranked sumo wrestler in all of Cosmos Nursery... Carlos-Chan Ramo Kutz. Look at that sumo swagger.



Big kisses to all.

Jenny

Whale Bacon

Technically, whaling for commercial purposes is illegal. There has been a moratorium since 1985. That hasn't stopped it, though. Apparently, the killing is legal if it is done for research purposes. And after the "research" is done, whalers can sell the meat.

Hence... Whale bacon. We found this at a local grocery store... Mmmm... A WBLT, anyone? What about a ShamuLT?




Note the price... about 58,000 yen, or 40-something dollars.








Here are some yummy fish heads...



























Carlos said today..."Want to sumo wrestle?" And then attacked David with some sumo moves.

Sumo-aholism

I am totally addicted to Sumo. It is really aggressive, but I love it. I hate violent movies, boxing, etc... but LOVE this. They really are rough... they kind of slap each others faces, grab each other's faces and chins, pinch, push, crack heads... it is awesome. The referees wear elaborately embroidered robes and hold black and gold paddles. And the sumos, when not wrestling, wear beautiful skirt-like garments.
Our friend Glen and I went looking for another stable training session this morning and found the location of the number 3 guy in all of Japan, Kaio Hiroyuki. It was in this beautiful temple with statues and altars scattered up and down a steep hill. After a few minutes of peeking around, we saw an older woman coming down some stairs... so we followed her path.

At the top of a path was a permanent tent-like shelter with a few sumo wrestlers practicing on the sumo ring inside. The videos below are what we watched. We just caught the end of the practice. Then later we went to watch the actual tournament on TV and saw our guy win his 700th (I think) match.

The first video are of some practice matches between lower-ranked sumo wrestlers... the big guy is our guy. The second video is the post-match stretching/conga line? they did. I have no clue what it is... but it is funny to watch. We are going to the finals of the Nagoya tournament in two weeks, so will report more then ... unless I go to another practice session.




This is the funnier one.

"I feel like a Princess"...

said David as the door of the Mitsukoshi department store opened and the entire staff began bowing at us. As we get up at the crack of dawn over here, we had gone to Scottsdale (see below) for a Starbucks and what we heard was a mythically clean and elaborate play area for kids. Our timing was perfect to catch a little surprise... the opening of the store.

Apparently the openings and closings of stores here come with a bit of ceremony...


Step 1: The manager (or a man in a suit who looks like the manager) unlocks the door and walks into the waiting area to shout to all of the old ladies (and us) waiting to get in that the store is about to open (or that he likes long walks on the beach... not speaking Japanese, we can only guess what he is saying).

Step 2: Men and women line up inside the store by the front doors or near their work areas and stand at attention.

Step 3: At exactly 10AM, the manager and two others open the doors. As you walk in, everyone working in the store bows deeply over and over and over as all of the customers flow in.

Here are two bowing videos I found on youtube. One is of a store closing and one an opening. The closing video is better... but you can see a bit of what happens.





And once we stopped waiting for people to ask us for autographs, we found the mother of all play areas.

SHIMASHIMALAND....
Clean, empty, fun stuff to do, a giant tiger to play with...David could fulfill his fantasies of working in a fast food restaurant. Check out how cool those felt burgers and hot dogs are!